In the grieving process of losing my son Alex to an accidental drug overdose, I have started writing a blog as therapy. Not only has it helped me, but from comments received, it let's others know they are not alone and what they feel is sometimes exactly what they are SUPPOSE to feel. Bless you all who find yourselves in my position; I wish you weren't.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Does anyone REALLY think it's going to get BETTER?  I was shopping a few weeks ago and ran into a friend. After the usual hello and how are you's she asked me straight out, "So, your looking good. Things must be getting better for you. I'm sure with the time that's past your life is finally getting back to normal and you're thinking about returning to work?" It took me about 10 seconds to answer her because I was biting my tongue so hard. I honestly had to think how I could answer her without sounding cold and pissed off. I could only say, "One day at a time is how we are taking it." I walked away before I said anything else that I probably would have regretted later. I know this is going to come off wrong the way I say it, but it isn't EVER going to get BETTER. My life, our life, my children's lives have all changed, and not for the better. We are missing a part of our family. Someone we loved for 26 years. I taught him to write his name. His father showed him how to hook a worm. Adam taught him to ride a two wheeler. And Audra, she was his playmate when Adam went off to school. Years have gone by, and there are so many other things we have shared as a family. These things don't go away, they stay with you forever and ever. And when we think of them, and least when I do, I miss my son. I wish with all my might he was here but I know that's impossible. A song plays on the radio and I think of him. Mark cooks spaghetti and meatballs (Alex's favorite) and he thinks of him. Adam comes home from school on the weekends and if Audra's working, I'm sure he wishes Alex was home to talk to or go up to Boston's for a beer and watch the games. So I guess the next time someone asks me if it's any better, I will have to answer in a way I don't offend people but I let them know it still hurts. My friend told me it worked for her.
 "No, it's not any better,but with God's grace,we will endure." 

"There's no book written on how to be a parent. You do the best you can."

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