A.A. Milne wrote: “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together. There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you.
Those are some words people need to hear when they have lost a loved one, especially parents. I have read, and I am not kidding, as gifts or books I have bought myself, over 30 books dealing with grief. Reading every one, thinking THIS book might be the one that has that one idea, that one sentence that will help me. And so I read. Along the way I have come to realize that these books can give you some help, but only YOU can help yourself. I have learned many things. I did read one article that hit every point but I put my own spin on it, being I have been there and experienced it.
"What I Wish people Understood about losing a Child"
1. Remember our children. They did live. They were not perfect, nor is anyone. We had high hopes for them and never gave up on them. How they passed makes no difference. Mention their name or share a memory. Hearing their name is music to our ears.
2. Accept that you can't FIX us. There is nothing to fix. We are not broken where you can see. We have suffered a great loss. Our own flesh and blood, our child.
3. Know that there will always be 2 days in the year we get a pass on. The day they were born and the day they died. Every year WE know these dates and don't consider them an ANNIVERSARY. Anniversaries are for celebrating. These days are never far from our minds; they are the days we hurt the most and remember who we are missing.
4. Realize we struggle every day with happiness. It comes in fleeting moments and can last for months and then a bad day sneaks in there and BAMM, happiness turns to sorrow. But we rebound.
5. We know our loss makes you uncomfortable sometimes. It makes US uncomfortable. But our child DID exist and talking about them confirms for us they are not forgotten.
The only thing I can add is that the holidays are also triggers for sadness and gladness because of the memories. The ones we spent with them as a family, and the ones we will never will again.