In the grieving process of losing my son Alex to an accidental drug overdose, I have started writing a blog as therapy. Not only has it helped me, but from comments received, it let's others know they are not alone and what they feel is sometimes exactly what they are SUPPOSE to feel. Bless you all who find yourselves in my position; I wish you weren't.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Do you really know your son? YES, I know for SURE that I knew my son, or I wouldn't have thought I would be brave enough to talk at his funeral. I am going to describe my son the best I can and if anyone can tell me different, they are welcome to because everyone has a side we don't get to see; mainly because we can't be with a person 24/7.

Alex was a man of great humor and intelligence. He liked to play games, especially mental games, the ones that challenged you and stretched your imagination. He felt he could always find peace within himself and his own mind. He was a self sufficient loner. He did not crave the company of others but he had many friends. Alex had a secret way about him, something no one ever could reach or touch. It was his way of always being in control. He didn't need the input of others and praise and rejection were usually ignored. He learned the important lessons of life the hard way and didn't care at what cost; situations that forced him to use his own wits. He never accepted boundaries set by others and almost seemed to seek resistance. Using his wit, humor and intellect, his sharp mind and tongue could wound an opponent or bring on laughter to expose his pride. He liked to hear all points of view and ideas and studied and scrutinized the people who gave them. He would then devise his own ideas, solutions and conclusions. He believed the possibilities were endless, there was no right or wrong, yes or no, there was ALWAYS a middle way. He did believe he could avoid the consequences of his actions through the sheer power and force of who he was and the intelligence he possessed. He was defiant and loved to stretch his spirit and imagination to its limits. He wanted to be the master of his own universe, never being told what to do and enjoy pure freedom. He didn't like rituals and traditions. He said they interfered with his life and felt that it was a way to try to control him. He was not involved with religion at all. He thought the world was too big to think only one God could be the ruler of all and it also involved conformity. He could not tolerate being like everyone else. He liked being just who he was and would make and find his own path and goal in life. He truly believed he was the master of his own destiny. But he knew the world and its restrictions and felt it stopped him from his full potential, which he had yet to decide on. The world was his oyster, but he enjoyed being the black pearl, not the white one. He desired to achieve great things on his own without having to go to school. He relied on his own talents and instincts and intelligence. He knew though that he HAD to go to school but hated to conform to societies ways. He liked to make his own way and path. He would take the lead if necessary but did not need it. He was inquisitive, and loved to take things apart then fix them to work. It gave him the ability to come up with many solutions and this way felt he was never stuck with just one way. He preferred to work by himself and was impulsive. He would have been unique. That was my son Alex.                   

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