In the grieving process of losing my son Alex to an accidental drug overdose, I have started writing a blog as therapy. Not only has it helped me, but from comments received, it let's others know they are not alone and what they feel is sometimes exactly what they are SUPPOSE to feel. Bless you all who find yourselves in my position; I wish you weren't.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Yes, I am going to hang Alex's stocking up this year. I debated this move and figured it would be ok. There is some Christmas spirit in this house and it wasn't easy to come by this year. Up until last week, every day all I could think of was Alex WASN'T here this year. He wouldn't be in the annual family picture taken Christmas eve. He and Justin wouldn't exchange ideas on how they could build a better Ninja Warrior maze. A special batch of chocolate chip cookies wouldn't be baked for him from his aunt. Now, after all the shopping, and actually exchanging 2 gifts already,  I decided there was a gift that I received that didn't cost any money. There was no need to put this gift in a box, wrap it in fancy paper with a bow. I received peace. I miss my son Alex but I have peace in my heart. I talk to him in my prayers. I let him know it's not easy here without him. But I thank him for the great days we did have together. At one point I didn't think I could live without him. But Alex, I've learned I can live without you; it's just I DON'T WANT TO. And thank you Alex, for watching over your dad. I really appreciate it! I love you! Merry Christmas son.

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