In the grieving process of losing my son Alex to an accidental drug overdose, I have started writing a blog as therapy. Not only has it helped me, but from comments received, it let's others know they are not alone and what they feel is sometimes exactly what they are SUPPOSE to feel. Bless you all who find yourselves in my position; I wish you weren't.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
The first time I ever heard anything about drugs wasn't even from Alex, it was from Adam. He was in his first year of junior high and came home and asked me what a Mary Jane was. At first, I was astonished, but I could see the concern in his eyes. He explained to me how someone in his class had asked him if he wanted some, and how the conversation was during lunchtime. I think the part of motherhood that everyone fears hit me that day. My heart broke knowing his childhhood had just ended and the teens were officially here, and all that comes with it. The pressure of wanting to belong, not sticking out by being so different, yet wanting to hold onto the person you like being. Now he is going to want to fit in even more. I still recall griping because he wanted a Tommy Hilfiger shirt and I was so upset at how much it cost. But I swore I wouldn't do what my mother did. She NEVER let me fit in, she cut my own hair, never had talks with me, and when it came to clothes, she bought them and I wore them. If I asked for something, I was selfish, if I offered to earn the money for it, I was being stuck up for wanting to waste my money on something so frivalis. But I did get him the shirt, I wanted him to feel like he belonged, because I remember what it felt like not to. But how do you tell your son about marijuana? (I may have spelled that wrong, but personally, spelling isn't a big part of my forte here) I still can't believe that I had to have this discussion with him at the age of 13. As for the conversation, I left it up to his dad! I had already handled the birds and the bees because he wouldn't do it, so I had the upper hand on this one. I do know Adam got the information he needed, and I didn't hear him mention it again. But I won't lie, there were plenty of times he came home smelling of it, and I never questioned it. Sometimes we are so stupid to turn away from things we just know will cause confrontation and ensue to an arguement. I wish now I was stronger back then; as strong as I am right this minute. Maybe life would be different, but I will never know.